And I’m baaaaaaaaack. Not like anyone noticed that I was gone, well I know some of you did and I do appreciate the continued encouragement to keep writing. I have to admit, I was way over my head in trying to write once a week. In trying to keep up that pace I found myself reaching for material and forcing the issue, which made me feel as though the quality of my writing suffered, which was quite clear to me just in the amount of views I was getting. In addition to that, I felt like I wasn’t writing for the joy but more for the promise I should have never made to write once a week. I mean, when I was a SAHD it was much easier to write and to have the material to write about.
Since the last blog I wrote, things have been good and getting better, yet they have still been shrouded in uncertainty and a solid dose of anxiety. As of the beginning of May, we lost our awesome in home babysitting help. I have started a new job and my wife has changed her work schedule so that she works two consecutive 12 hour shifts. In setting up our schedule like this, it means that we only have one option…to send our little mush – mush to daycare two days a week. Argh!!!! DAYCARE!!!!!!!
This entry is not one to rip apart the daycare system or to piss and moan about the fact that I need daycare so that we can continue to run on the hamster wheel to pay our bills and provide for our kid. Its purpose is for me to vent. It is for me to create a history so I can look back and see how wrong I was, or in the off chance, see that I was right to make these assumptions. It is also here for my daughter to see how much we really tried to do the right things by her.
I have to tell you, I have never been so overwhelmed with emotions as I am at this moment as I sit here and think about sending my daughter to daycare. I have so many conflicting feelings. Those of fear, anxiety, and apprehensions, while at the same time I have feelings of hope, thoughts of my daughter making friends, having new experiences and growing as a person. My wife and I did a lot of soul searching and we felt that placing our daughter in daycare was something that we needed to try. With life being what it is and the need for health insurance and a two income household, I guess we are lucky we only have to send her to daycare two days a week instead of more. There are other families who do not have the same luxury. If it were up to me, I would have my wife quit her job and stay home. I can only hope that putting her in daycare doesn’t make her hate us or make her think we have abandoned her. She is too young for that to happen right? That happens around the teenage years? Right?? Right?? I mean, if you do the math, it’s not like we’re making a shit ton more money if she works those days, and the freaking cost of daycare, a good one, is un-real.
We have been banging our head against the wall trying to find a way to keep our daughter home with one of us. Since I have, by default, become the “breadwinner”, and believe me I tried not to be, we have no choice but to send her for now. So we picked a daycare that was aligned with our beliefs and our goals for both us and our daughter. Regardless of all of that, I still feel like I am failing my daughter. I truly don’t know if she is ready, however what I do know is that I am not ready, not even close. I struggle with the decision of daycare for several reasons; she has come so far in the past six months with her speech, her interaction with others, her behavior, and her bathroom habits (yes, she is using the potty at 21 months. I guess chocolate as a motivator works for girls of all ages. lol). She is still very trusting and innocent, I don’t want her to lose those qualities. I’m not going to lie, we coddle the shit out of her (shes our first, so back off…ha-ha), and I’m afraid she won’t be attended to when she needs to be. I mean I could go on for hours…..
So here we are, my wife and I, in a position that millions of other parents have found themselves in; relinquishing control of their child/children into the hands of those who are to watch and care for our most valuable treasures. We as parents have come to compromise with ourselves regularly to protect our sanity, we know and have accepted the fact that no one will ever care for our children like we can and do. We tell ourselves that we are doing this because we need to let them go, in order to let them grow. It sounds nice but it’s bullsh*t. We let them go because we f*cking have to. We have to hop back on that little spinning wheel and make that cheese. Believe me, I have done a lot of growing up in the last two years, maybe more than I had done in the previous 10. Having a child has made me look at things in a much more critical manner. It has allowed me cherish the time that I do have to spend with my daughter and my wife and enjoy all of the little things that we take for granted on a daily basis.
As my child gets older and her tiny little hands get bigger, her beautiful curls grow into long flowing locks of dirty blond hair, and her need for me as her daddy gets less and less, I wonder if I will beat myself up over my decision to put her into daycare instead of trying harder to find a way for her to be at home with her mom.
The more I talk to others and get feedback about our forced choice to put her into daycare, I do find comfort in knowing that other parents have gone through similar situations and have come through the other side no worse for wear. I am realizing that it is more about me and my inability and insecurities in dealing with the fact that I won’t be the one who is caring for my baby. I guess it is just a sign of the things to come in this life, where I need to get used to and prepare myself that my little girl is becoming more and more self-sufficient and not needing her daddy the way she once did.
I can only hope that my wife and I have given her the confidence she needs to make new friends, get up and dust herself off when she gets knocked down, and use the strength that I know she possesses to see herself through the times when she needs it the most. My daughter is destined for greatness, who am I kidding shes going to take that daycare class over.
I just want to say thank you again to everyone who told me to keep writing. With out your support I wouldn’t have been able to realize the clarity that writing gives to me. And to all you parents out there that fight the good fight, going to work to provide for your family and are forced into the daycare machine, I take my hat off to you and respect the sh*t out of you and the strength you show on a daily basis.
2 Responses
Larry
New to you blog – how old is your child?
We had a nanny and the kids did not go to a day care or anything like that till they were 3. Anyway, it’s never easy entrusting others to watch your child. It’s a leap of faith with your most precious ‘possession.’
CJNuch17
It was one of the hardest decisions we had to make and we still struggle with it. We are always looking for the best way to care for our daughter. Its a tough situation when both parents have to work, which seems to be all too common
HowardGow
Amazing loads of superb facts.
http://talahicc.com/
drugstore online
canadian online pharmacies
best canadian online pharmacy
canada pharmacy online
HowardGow
You mentioned this fantastically!
https://nicktambone.com/
canada drugs online canadian pharmacies-24h canadian pharmacies without prescriptions aarp approved canadian online pharmacies
cheap canadian drugs
discount pharmacy online
pharmacy online store
canadian online pharmacies
canada drugs pharmacy
canada drugs pharmacy
HowardGow
Awesome information, Thank you!
http://canadianpharmaciesnnm.com/
best online pharmacy stores canadian cialis buy prescription drugs from canada canada pharmaceuticals online
most reliable canadian pharmacies
buying prescription drugs canada
overseas pharmacy forum
global pharmacy canada
canadian pharmacy king
canadian pharmacy viagra
HowardGow
You stated this exceptionally well.
https://nicktambone.com/
prescription online canada drugs canadian family pharmacy canada pharmacy
compare prescription prices
prescription cost
online pharmacy no prescription needed
pharmacy prescription
pharmacy tech
drug price
HowardGow
Many thanks, Good stuff.
http://canadianpharmaciescubarx.com/
online canadian discount pharmacy canadian pharcharmy prescription drugs without prior prescription online pharmacies canada
canada pharmacy online orders
discount prescription drugs online
buy prescription drugs from canada
prescription drugs without prior prescription
best online international pharmacies
canadian drug
HowardGow
Excellent posts. Thanks a lot!
http://canadianpharmacyntx.com/
canadian pharcharmy online canadian pharmacies that ship to us online discount pharmacy canada drug
compare rx prices
canadian pharmacy online canada
canada pharmacies online prescriptions
no prescription online pharmacy
canadian online pharmacies prescription drugs
canada pharmacy online
HowardGow
Thanks a lot! I enjoy it.
http://www.canadianpharmacymsn.com/
prescription drugs canada canadian viagra online pharmacy no prescription needed canada drugs online
mexican pharmacy online medications
pharmacy prices
drugs without prescription
us pharmacy no prior prescription
canadapharmacy com
mexican pharmacies shipping to usa
HowardGow
Many thanks. I enjoy it!
https://nicktambone.com/
discount pharmacy online canadian pharmaceuticals online online pharmacies no prescription northwest pharmacy
pharmacy tech
no prescription pharmacy
canadian pharmacy king
drug stores near me
mail order pharmacies
drug price
HowardGow
Thanks a lot. Awesome information!
http://canadianpharmacymim.com/
discount pharmacy online canada pharmaceutical online ordering pharmacy near me canadianpharmacy
mexican pharmacies shipping to usa
canada pharmacy online no script
pharmacy online store
online pharmacies
prescription drugs without prior prescription
safe canadian online pharmacies
HowardGow
Whoa lots of fantastic tips.
http://canadianonlinepharmacynnm.com/
compare rx prices north west pharmacy canada pharmacy near me canada pharmacy
trusted overseas pharmacies
pharmacy online mexico
prescription drug
prescription drug
no prior prescription required pharmacy
cialis online
HowardGow
Thanks a lot. Good information.
http://canadianpharmaciescubarx.com/
buy online prescription drugs canadian pharmacies-24h canada pharmacies canadian viagra
drug stores near me
internet pharmacy
discount pharmacy online
overseas pharmacies
medication costs
canadian discount pharmacy
HowardGow
Nicely put. Thanks a lot.
http://www.canadianpharmacymsn.com/
canadapharmacyonline com canadian pharmacies that ship to us online pharmacies canadian pharmacy
online pharmacy without a prescription
northwestpharmacy
pharmacy cost comparison
pain meds online without doctor prescription
buy online prescription drugs
canada drug pharmacy
HowardGow
Thanks. Good information!
http://canadianpharmacymim.com/
canadian pharmacies without prescriptions canadian viagra online canadian discount pharmacy trust pharmacy canada
canadian drugstore
prescription without a doctor’s prescription
prescription drugs without doctor approval
canadian pharcharmy online
canada drug pharmacy
prescription drugs online without
HowardGow
You mentioned this terrifically.
https://nicktambone.com/
costco pharmacy pricing canada pharmacy discount prescription drugs online canadian pharmaceuticals online
pharmacy prices
canadadrugs.com pharmacy
canadian online pharmacy reviews
meds online
online pharmacy no prescription needed
pharmacy price compare
HowardGow
Well expressed really! !
http://canadianpharmacymim.com/
trusted overseas pharmacies canada online pharmacies canadian drugstore reviews canadianpharmacy
canadian online pharmacies prescription drugs
canadian online pharmacy
legitimate online pharmacies
approved canadian pharmacies online
web medical information
prescription drugs without doctor approval
Quentintag
Incredible many of excellent info.
http://canadianpharmaciesnnm.com/
best canadian online pharmacy northwestpharmacy us pharmacy no prior prescription canada pharmacy online
onlinecanadianpharmacy.com
pharmacy cost comparison
canadapharmacy
rx pharmacy
cheap prescription drugs
buy prescription drugs from canada
Quentintag
Really quite a lot of excellent facts.
http://canadianpharmaciesnnm.com/
cheap prescription drugs canadian pharmacies online online canadian discount pharmacy canada pharmacy
onlinecanadianpharmacy.com
online canadian pharcharmy
ed meds online
candrugstore com
no prior prescription required pharmacy
canadian pharcharmy online
Quentintag
Many thanks! Great stuff!
http://talahicc.com/
onlinecanadianpharmacy.com canadian pharmacy mail order pharmacy canada drug
visit poster’s website
prescription drugs online without
canadian pharmacy no prescription needed
northwest pharmacy canada
best online pharmacies no prescription
canadian pharcharmy online
Quentintag
Thanks a lot. Awesome information.
http://www.canadianpharmacymsn.com/
canadadrugs canadianpharmacy canadian pharmacy without prescription canada pharmacy
online pharmacy without a prescription
canadian mail order pharmacies
mexican pharmacies online
canadian pharmacies shipping to usa
prescription price comparison
prescription without a doctor’s prescription
Quentintag
You actually reported that superbly.
http://canadianonlinepharmacynnm.com/
canadapharmacyonline com north west pharmacy canada canadian online pharmacy canadian pharmacies
online pharmacies no prescription
canadian pharcharmy online
canadian pharmacies without prescriptions
canadian mail order pharmacies
online pharmacy
canadian drug stores online
Quentintag
Good tips. Thanks.
http://canadianpharmacyntx.com/
canadian drugstore northwestpharmacy canada online pharmacies canada drugs online
canada drug prices
prescription drug assistance
highest rated canadian pharmacies
canadian pharmacy reviews
canada pharmacy online
prescription drugs prices
Quentintag
Good information. Thank you!
http://canadianpharmaciesnnm.com/
online pharmacy no prescription needed canada online pharmacies discount pharmacy online canadian pharmacies without an rx
canada drug pharmacy
cheap drugs online
trusted overseas pharmacies
prescription drug price comparison
no prior prescription required pharmacy
buy online prescription drugs
Quentintag
Cheers. Great stuff!
http://canadianpharmacysilo.com/
canadian prescription drugs trust pharmacy canada prescription drugs without prior prescription mexican pharmacies shipping to usa
canada drugs online pharmacy
pharmacy price compare
prescription drug
prescription drug price comparison
canadian prescription drugstore
canada online pharmacies
Quentintag
You actually mentioned it perfectly.
http://canadianpharmaciescubarx.com/
canada pharmacies prescription drugs canada pharmacy online overseas pharmacy forum online pharmacies canada
prescription cost
canada drug
mexican pharmacy online
canadian pharmacy uk delivery
cheap canadian drugs
canada drugs online pharmacy
Quentintag
You actually said this perfectly!
http://canadianpharmacymim.com/
canadian online pharmacy reviews canadianpharmacy rx pharmacy top rated canadian pharmacies online
canadian family pharmacy
buy prescription drugs from canada
pharmacy prescription
canadian family pharmacy
prescription drugs without doctor approval
discount drugs online pharmacy
Quentintag
Good material. With thanks.
http://canadianpharmacysilo.com/
mexican pharmacies shipping to usa london drugs canada buy prescription drugs without doctor canadian online pharmacy
buy prescription drugs online
prescription drugs online without
discount prescription drug
no prescription pharmacy
pharmacy online mexico
prescription drugs canada
Quentintag
You expressed it fantastically!
http://canadianpharmaciesnnm.com/
pharmacy without dr prescriptions canadian pharmacies that ship to us canada pharmacy no prescription canada pharmacy online
the canadian pharmacy
drug price
drug stores near me
canadian pharmacy without prescription
canadian prescription drugstore
no prior prescription required pharmacy
Quentintag
Truly a lot of great tips.
http://talahicc.com/
canada drugs online canada pharmaceutical online ordering buy online prescription drugs top rated canadian pharmacies online
drugs online
canadian pharmacy uk delivery
canada drug prices
online canadian discount pharmacy
cheap canadian drugs
pharmacy without dr prescriptions
Quentintag
You made your stand extremely nicely!.
http://canadianpharmacymim.com/
mail order pharmacy mexican pharmacies shipping to usa prescription cost comparison canadian pharmaceuticals online
canadian online pharmacy
canada pharmacy online no script
cheap drugs online
pharmacy near me
online pharmacy
canadian pharmacy online canada
Quentintag
Useful content. Cheers.
http://canadianpharmacysilo.com/
pharmacy prescription canadian pharmaceuticals online best non prescription online pharmacies canadian viagra
prescription drugs prices
drug prices comparison
canadian discount pharmacy
prescription drugs without doctor approval
discount prescription drugs online
price prescription drugs
Quentintag
Amazing tons of very good data.
http://talahicc.com/
pharmacy prices online pharmacies canada canadian pharmacies shipping to usa canada drugs
prescription price comparison
online canadian discount pharmacy
online pharmacy usa
cheap canadian drugs
pharmacy near me
compare prescription prices
Quentintag
Nicely put, Cheers.
http://talahicc.com/
online canadian discount pharmacy canada online pharmacies buying drugs canada northwestpharmacy
prescription price comparison
best online pharmacies canada
canada online pharmacy
prescription prices comparison
drug stores near me
canada drugs pharmacy
Quentintag
Wonderful advice. Many thanks!
http://talahicc.com/
safeway pharmacy trust pharmacy canada canadian pharmacies without prescriptions canada pharmaceuticals online
canadian viagra
canada drugs pharmacy
canadian prescription drugs
drug costs
prescription price comparison
canadian drugstore
Quentintag
Kudos. Wonderful information.
http://canadianpharmaciesnnm.com/
best canadian mail order pharmacies trust pharmacy canada canada pharmacy online orders northwest pharmacy
canadapharmacyonline com
canadian mail order pharmacies
price prescription drugs
internet pharmacy
online prescription drugs
mexican online pharmacies
Quentintag
Whoa plenty of awesome advice.
http://canadianonlinepharmacynnm.com/
canadian online pharmacies north west pharmacy canada canadian pharmacies top best aarp approved canadian online pharmacies
cheap prescription drugs online
mexican pharmacy online medications
best canadian prescription prices
canada pharmacies without script
no prescription pharmacy
canadapharmacy
Quentintag
Many thanks. A lot of data.
http://www.canadianpharmacymsn.com/
pharmacy prices canadian pharcharmy discount prescription drugs online canada drug
cialis online
online pharmacy no prescription needed
king pharmacy
canada drugs
pharmacy near me
canada pharmacies without script
Quentintag
You actually stated that superbly.
http://canadianpharmacymim.com/
cheap prescription drugs online pharmacies canada pharmacies in canada canadian pharmacy online
no prescription pharmacies
prescription drugs online without doctor
canadapharmacy
pharmacy online
<a href="http://mirabiliatour.blogspot.com/ask?q=+Thanks.+I+appreciate+it%21+http%3A%2F%2Fcanadianpharmaciesnnm.com%2F+candrugstore+com+canadian+pharcharmy+canada+pharmacy+no+prescription+%5Burl%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fcanadianpharmacyntx.com%2F%5Dcanada+drugs+online%5B%2Furl%5D+%0D%0Ameds+online+%0D%0Aonline+discount+pharmacy+%0D%0Abest+online+pharmacies+canada+%0D%0Acanada+drugs+pharmacy+%0D%0Aprescription+drug+price+comparison+%0D%0Adrugs+for+sale&submit=ask”>pharmacy canada
canadian pharmacies online
Quentintag
Regards! Ample data!
http://canadianpharmacyntx.com/
mexican pharmacy online online pharmacies canada online pharmacy no prescription needed canadian pharmacies that ship to us
online drugstore
pharmacy prescription
online pharmacies
pharmacy tech
canadian prescription
best canadian mail order pharmacies
Quentintag
Nicely put, Cheers.
http://canadianpharmacysilo.com/
best online international pharmacies canada drugs online canadian pharmacy canada pharmaceuticals online
costco pharmacy pricing
canada drugs online pharmacy
drugstore online
buying drugs canada
canadian prescriptions
canadapharmacyonline com
Quentintag
You actually reported it terrifically.
http://canadianpharmaciesnnm.com/
prescription online canadian online pharmacies canadian prescriptions global pharmacy canada
canada pharmacies online
highest rated canadian pharmacies
canadian pharmacy viagra brand
board of pharmacy
pharmacy prescription
canada drugs